Yesterday (I was a Carer) - A poem by Tessa Duell

Yesterday (I was a carer)
“Yesterday me and my mum were walking along the chalky paths
Throwing our sandwich crusts to the ducks
And I found a little fish in the grass
And she said “put that down! You don’t know where it’s been”
I dropped it, staring down the front of my little black body warmer
A beady eye stared back at me, cold and unforgiving
But yesterday I touched the bottom of the pool, lungs straining
Climbing to the top of the biggest stone in Avebury
And I chose my galloper and gripped the bar, just swaying
On a merry-go-round of memories, feels like centuries ago
Since you closed the front door and drew the curtains
With no intention of ever opening them again
Yesterday the ambulance came and I was in my school uniform
Going to my bedroom while the white flag ascended
Everything changed so fast and descended
Into agoraphobic panic attacks, hoarding and rituals
It was a red warning signal but it wasn’t visible
Except for a label, young carer, stretcher bearer
Yesterday I was managing my way through sixth form
Driven by something not given but taken from me
And I was shaking when they prized you free
And released you into the wilds of your mind
Formidable, invisible illnesses flaring
Yesterday I was a carer but I never stopped caring. To read Tessa's story, click here.